Uhhh. That’s the sound my whole body is making right now. That’s the sound of fatigue2. Ahhh, so, what did I do… ON OCTOBER 31ST! For those of you who don’t know ANYTHING about October 31st, you ought to be informed that, first of all: it was a Thursday, and, second of all: it was cold.
On this particular Thursday, the sky was gray and overhung with moody cloudiness and drizzling passionate thunderlessness. And I was on a fast, which meant that I was doing something called “Pain, pain and crippling cramps for 24 hours”. After a leisurely morning of working hard to smell strongly of old parmesan cheese and rosemary and onions, I sauntered over to the University to meet up with Heidi*. After doubling up a couple of times and drinking juice or water to sate my belly, I wrote up my laptop loan application and printed off two copies. I was so proud of myself, I had made something with computers. Then I sprinted over to Saddlemire and turned it in. It screamed and cursed my name, vowing vengeance on the day of it’s release from this “animal factory” as it so called the manila envelope it was promptly imprisoned in after I handed it to the grinning receptionist.
Ruffled, I headed back to the Student Union, wondering what scientific principle could explain a piece of paper’s ability to produce sounds not unlike coherent phrases of perfect English, with a slight cockney accent. Did this bizarre incident denote intelligence in machine-cut pieces of printer stock? Had I REALLY had any coffee to drink while I was at work?
I shrugged the thought aside and focused on more important things to do, such as, read about, start and finish a complex programming assignment within one hour, before it was due in class at 4.
I sat down at a lab computer in the Union and got to work spacing out and drawing blanks, also reading and re-reading the assignment because I hadn’t really read it the first time I read it, but I had read it before, just not with attention to reading.
Within two hours, I had it down pat. Trouble was, I had missed the entire class and a quiz worth 20 points. I whipped out a gun and shot myself in the head. Hehe, not really, actually, if I HAD really shot myself in the head, I’d be dead and instead of reading this Blog, you’d be reading the obituaries, trying to find out where I was getting buried so you could come piss on my grave.
Yeah, so…
I went to the classroom, but it was dark. Dangit! I went upstairs, said “Hi…” to Mr. Chilson**, and headed off to my instructor’s office, where he smiled and gave me the quiz and took my assignment and said, “OK! Time for Pizza!” And with that, he stepped lightly out of the room, humming an old Swedish lullaby.
I was thrilled, I went immediately to someplace that I know naught of and scanned pictures of my family. They looked bad, so I gave up on them and took a midterm exam for my VCT 203 class. I had it finished in approx. 3.42 minutes, about average time of completion for the entire class body. Then I went upstairs and finished my project, turned it in and made my way over to CRU. When I got to Olscamp Hall, everything was eerily silent and almost brooding with a tension of awe and suspense. I went into the huge multi-purpose room that CRU meets in and found nothing but many chairs lined up in rows, which freaked me out. I decided that all of CRU must’ve been raptured away today and I had been the only soul left behind. I immediately considered how this might factor into re-populating the planet. Then I stopped considering and sat at a Mac which was old. I watched as it did nothing for me and then I left.
Tripping and falling constantly because my legs were weak and shaky from lack of food, water or life of any sort, I made it up to the Union again and found people in costumes, offering me candy and telling me to get candied apples so that they could take my picture. So I got a candied apple and consumed it WHOLE. The rest of the night is romantic history…
*Heidi is a girl’s name of German origin which means NOBLE. It also happens to be the name of my cute wonderful amazing gorgeous glamorous glorius gift from God girlfriend. Heidi is actually a shortened version of the name Adelheid.
**Mr. Chilson is a professor at BGSU. One fine day I had the pleasure of running into Mr. Chilson…..’s SUV in a parking lot. I put a dink in it and in my bank account. Because of that dink, I now have a cool friend in a high place.
BUT SERIOUSLY, JOEL. NOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT KIND OF CRAP YOU DID ON HALLOWEEN (is that what was going on?) WHAT THE HECK KIND OF CRAP DID YOU DO TODAY!?!
I worked. I’m tired. I’m going to go to sleep.
Joel Manahan 